04/11/07: I have literally just got back from the shoot and it was really quite hard to do, I kept scaring myself and seeing things that were not there. It was difficult to stop myself from feeling like I had made my worst fear a reality. The shoot went well and I am pleased with the images I have produced. I underexposed a few of the images in order to create the creepy feel, the mask was hideous and exactly the way I wanted it to be. I produced a series of action shots which when played in quick sucession make the wolf (model) look as though he is coming towards the camera. It was intimidating and alarming. I think the worst part of the shoot was shooting alone with only my model to keep me feeling detatched from my fears. I found it increasingly difficult throughout the shoot to keep my nerve as it started to get darker. The area reminded me of my attack and I kept getting floods of emotions, my mind stared playing tricks on me and I kept thinikng that I was seeing people who were not there. It is strange that your mind starts to play tricfks on you when under stress of through fear.
My model was awfully patient and understanding, it was a great support to have him there and for him to understand my feelings and thoughts as it is usually hard to explain things to people. I have found that the shoot has made me think about my dream a lot more. I am not as scared of it as I was because I had the chance to direct it myself, it was a great feeling to finish the shoot and then feel the relief that my model would take the mask off and I would just be a girl standing in an abandoned location with someone I know who wont hurt me. I finally got to overcome my monster by demasking him.
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