Digital Press Pack 3 (extract from workbook)

13/11/07: Ok right I have just been given a tip from a friend of mine that I can insert pictures into my email press pack by downloading the new version of windows hotmail instead of having the Beta version I need the full version. In order to download the hotmail, I will first need to dowload firefox because the new version of hotmail will not run with Safari. I am really hoping that this new version will allow me to create the press pack I want.
13/11/07 - 21:00: After all that hassle of downloading things and getting my hopes up it would work, it turned out to be a waste of time, it still didn’t let me create the presspack I wanted. Im really annoyed now. I am taking all the crap codes and supposed links out. I am just going to have a wrtitten email. An extremely well written email explaining the Safe and Sound project and giving the web addresses of the sites I want people to access.
23:46: I have also created a myspace account for my personal work with a relating factor to the safe and sound project. I thought that seems as though the stupid email will not work, I will create a myspace as a back up option. Afterall it is all creating much needed publicity for both me as a photographer and the developing safe and sound project. Within my myspace, I have uploaded my stills, uploaded my video, wrote a small paragraph about my work as a photographer and a paragraph about the safe and sound website. There is also a link to my blog space and the safe and sound website. You can never have to many links, we have to think of that search engine count. :) Anyway seems as though Ive finished anotherchapter of my project Im off to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Digital Press Pack 2 (extract from workbook)

I decided to search for a site that could teach my HTMIL codes or generate the things I needed in order to add images and links into my email press pack. I used google to do the search and it came up with some sites that generated the codes needed to produce them. However after writing my email and sending it to one of my other email addresses as a test, none of the codes worked? I have no idea why this has happened and how to make them work.
What my email said:
"
The Safe and Sound Project was created because the head of LCF (London College of Fashion), Frances Corner, wanted to celebrate the colleges centennery by a new look response to issues of health and safety for young people. This idea was then discussed with Karin Askam, who approached Mark Lebon to express the project in an innovative way. At this time one of Marks students and assistents, Charlie Green, had recently had his life cut short by a drunk driver. It was this tragic event that got Mark motivated to produce an emotional response to the issues of health and safety, and from this, Safe and Sound was put into action.

"
This code was supposed to insert a picture!
You may have seen the i-D issue of Safe and Sound, this was a massive promotional step for Safe and Sound by the hands of Mark Lebon and his working contacts within the magazine. It uses photographic images along side the accounts of various This code was supposed to be a link to the safe and sound website!"
"The healing site is there to act as a form of help. Please click the link to view the site and feel free to contribute to this cause.

The second link is direct to my own personal blog related to safe and sound. You can navigate through my thoughts, feelings and work produced as a response of the Safe and Sound Project. Feel free to leave comments or just simply browse
"

This code was supposed to be a link to my blog page!"
The image below is a snippet of the work I have produced.
"The image below is a snippet of the work I have produced.
This code was supposed to be an image of a still I produced for the Safe and Sound Project!
"
"Thank you.

Miss N.R.Willis
"

Digital Press Pack 1 (extract from workbook)

For my digital press pack I have decided the best thing for me to create is a well written email explaining the Safe and Sound website as well as figure out a way to add images into the email and links to the safe and sound website, my personal myspace and my blog space. The reason for this is to gather as much puplicity as possible. I am hoping that by either adding links (if i figure out how), or giving the addresses of the websites it will encourage people to look at the sites. I am also hoping to find out a way of encorporating images into the emails. I am going to have to use search engines to find a site thatn can give me ways of doing this. Im sure I will have to look into tons of HTML coding. Even if it doesn't work I am sure I can think of something to draw attention to the message of safe and sound.
As well as using email I have also looked into the possibility of sending a tetxt message as this is also a modern way of sending a message. As well as simple text I could send a picture from my camera phone with the message underneath. Perhaps something short and simple. Maybe just the web addresses.

Film 7 (extract from workbook)

7/11/07: I have finished the ordering and editing of the stills which was unbelievably simple to achieve, now all I have to do is add some visual trnasitions and effects which also seems to happen at the press of a button. I have now decided (after thinking about it all damn night and after trying both out at 4am) which song I am going to use. In the end it came down to which one sparked my own emotive response. In doing this I have realised that I want to use the Marilyn Manson because whilst watching it with the film I had a flood of emotion that I didnt know I felt about my attack. It wasnt sadness or self pity, but anger and the want to prove a point. Im not sure if this is a good thing or not but with it producing this response I want to use it. After watching the film I had a sudden drive to produce more work. I ended up using this to update my blog and start creating the digital presspack.
11/11/07: I have found a problem within my film, I cant actually work out how to save it so it can be viewed within quicktime. I also have to work out how to compress the fille so it can be uploaded to something like youtube. Using film is confusing and quite complicated. It doesnt help that Im not particularly confident within the media of film. I think Im going to need some help with making it play in quicktime, as nothing I am doing seems to be making a difference.
12/11/07: Hurrah I have managed to work out how to save my film as a quicktime film by using the help button within the iMovie programme. All I had to do was simply go to FILE-EXPORT-SAVE AS-QUICKTIME- then choose the type of compressed file I wanted to save it as. It was easy to do. After saving it as both a high resolution film and a film for web, I have uploaded it to youtube and created a link on my blog page to the youtube viewing of my film. I am extremely happy to have this part of my project finished with as it was the part I was most anxious about.

Film 6 (extract from workbook)

Lyrics of Marilyn Manson - Beautiful People
"And I don't want you and I don't need you
Don't bother to resist, or I'll beat cha
It's not your fault that you're always wrong
The weak ones are there to justify the strong

The beautiful people, the beautiful people
It's all relative to the size of your steeple
You can't see the forest for the trees
You can't smell your own shit on your knees

There's no time to discriminate,
Hate every motherfucker
That's in your way

Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, something free?
Hey you, why you trying to be mean?
You live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

The worms will live in every host
It's hard to pick which one they eat most

The horrible people, the horrible people
It's as anatomic as the size of your steeple
Capitalism has made it this way,
Old-fashioned fascism will take it away

Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, something free?
Hey you, why you trying to be mean?
You live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

There's no time to discriminate,
Hate every motherfucker
That's in your way

Hate! [x8]

The beautiful people
The beautiful people (aahh)
The beautiful people
The beautiful people (aahh)
The beautiful people
The beautiful people (aahh)
The beautiful people
The beautiful people (aahh)

Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, something free?
Hey you, why you trying to be mean?
You live with apes man, it's hard to be clean

Hey you, what do you see?
Something beautiful, something free?
Hey you, why you trying to be mean?
You live with apes man, it's hard to be clean


The beautiful people, the beautiful people
The beautiful people, the beautiful people
The beautiful people, the beautiful people
The beautiful people, the beautiful people
The beautiful people
"

Analogue Press Pack 4 (extract from workbook)

15/11/2007: I have decided not to include the lyrics of the Bif Naked song in my analogue press pack, the reason for this is because it doesn’t really have any relevance anymore. Its just a little too random and doesn’t bring the project together. I am just going to have the mask, with the label directing recievers to the websites. I think this is a muchmore direct approach.

Analogue Press Pack 3 (extract from workbook)

14/11/07
Ive just finished creating my analogue press pack. I have used the mask from my shoot as it will hopefully tie all of my work together, afterall the main subject within the work I have produced was the symbolic content of the mask, and the idea of facing your demonds. The mask has two nostil holes allowing the wearer to breathe and it is through these holes that I have attatched a a kind of baggage lable with the web addresses of safe and sound and my blogspace. Im gradually finishing off my project and starting to feel the stress of everything leave my body. Just to be sure I am going to have a massage today and relax at a health spar. Yey!

Film 5 (extract from workbook)

5/11/07: I have decided not to do the abstract images of the knives and scissors and instead Im just going to concentrate on the symbolic content of the mask. I am thinking of having the finshing still within my film of just the mask, maybe from a different angle of a close up. And then have a caption saying "I have faced my demons" or "I have demasked my rapist" something that means something to me, and that I can see as a stepping stone for the future. Something hopeful, as I want people to realise that you can move on from a terrifying event.
6/11/07: Today I started editing my film, it was really fun to mess about with the different stills, sorting out the timing, affects and order. However after doing all of this experimentation I decided I didn’t need to do all of this fancy stuff, I didn’t want to mess around so much, that it lost its impact. I have selected my better stills for the film and modified them within photoshop. I am having trouble adding music to the film as I want the music to fit with the film, be exactly the same length and stop and start in sync. I am also having dififculty in choosing the song, it is between Marilyn Manson - Beautiful People and Smashing Pumpkins Disarm. The difference between the two is drastic, one is has an angry and exciting speed to it, whereas the other is relatively calm yet mellow. Im not sure which to choose at the moment. Im just looking for something that will add even more impact.

Analogue Press Pack 2 (extract from workbook)

I have decided that my press pack is going to be the mask I used for my shoot and film, in a box that you would give as a gift. Inside the box as well at the mask, will be the lyrics of the song I have used within my film, as well the address ofn the safe and sound website, my blog address and personal contact deatils. The reason for choosing this is simply because I believe it would be a much better way of getting attention from members of the public.

Analogue Press Pack (extract from workbook)

As I am doing a series of stills and film involving the predatory acts of a rapist, in the form of a warewolf. I thought of creating an analogue presspack involving the idea of the wolf mask. I am going to take a head shot of the mask as 2D as possible and then create a cardboard mask as my analogue press pack. On the back of the mask will be the link to the Safe and Sound Website, and the link to my personal blog site. Either that or I will use the mask from the shoot as my press pack, and put forward the idea of sending the mask within a box/package. I think the shocking form of the mask would spark interest in the project and make people take notice of the idea. I want a dramatic impact from people to spur them onto looking into the idea further.

Film 4 (extract from workbook)

5/11/07: I did my abstract shots of the scissors and knives. They have worked well. I ended up hanging them from a ceiling and making a kind of crap installation. I used long shutter speeds and moved the camera slightly for vibrations in order to create an abstract feel, I also took multiple exposures to create a sense of movement and uncertainty. I am pleased with what I have done. Im just worried about if they will fit in with the dream or just look to out of conext. I dont want my film to be so misleading that people watching dont have a clue whats going on. So even though I have shot them I may not end up using them, just depends on what it looks like as a film?!

Film 3 (extract from workbook)

4/11/07: I shot my still today and I am happy with the shoot and what I have produced. I am hoping they work well as a film, but before I even think about starting the film I am going to be using photoshop to enhance certain details like the sky, and maybe even the mask just to create the image I want. I shot a series of my model walking towards the camera. It is this I will need to speed up to make it seem almost like a film. I have been playing around on iMovie and thnk I know how to do this but will have to check with James before hand or actually I could just try it and see what happens. It will be interesting to see if I am right. If I get stuck then I will have to get some advice on how to achieve the effect I want.

Film 2 (extract from workbook)

I have never used any kind of film editing software, but luckily I have a MAC which has iMovie already built into it, which is extremely helpful. It is iMovie I intend to use within the editing of my film. I want to experiment with different clip modification, sound clips and speeding up a sequence of images in order to create my film. I also want to add in text to both images and seperate blank screen clips. I think getting to grips with I movie should be fairly simple as it looks a little bit like a powerpoint presentation and I am fairly confident at creating presentations in that context. I think the main aspect of the programme I will have to really work hard to achieve is the timing and ordering of my stills.
Throughout my first year I never really had a project that excited me as much as this one. I think this is mostly because everything is very new to me. In all honestly I don’t think I would have even thought about creating a film without this project. I am hoping that this experience willl lead me onto creating more and experimenting with other film editing programmes such as Final Cut or Adobe Premier. I just hope that within this project I am able to get my ideas across and create something that will interest not only me but other people.

Film (extract from workbook)

For my film I have already decided to create a series of stills that run from one to the next. The reason for this is because I want the stills of my project to create a rapid narrative. It is also because I wanted to have a few series of images that speed up to look like a moving image, with a jerky quality to them. As the subject of my narrative was a nightmare I kept having, in re-creating this I wanted it to seem like a dream. When you wake up from your dreams you can never remember every detail of what has happened and so the idea of skipping from one thing to another seems to make sense within this representaion of my nightmare.
Things within the dream wont necassirly make sense but like dreams there are parts that are just completely abstract and sometimes completely out of context. An example of this within my work will be the use of props such as a pair of scissors and a knife. However these do make sense to me in my dreams because they were used as an act of brutal torture. Within my film they wont be so obvious to people watching. I am also going to add text within my film just to narrate or question what is happening. Perhaps even ask the viewers rhetorical questions just to engage them a little bit more. I want people to feel like they are involved within my dream. I know this is going to be quite challenging to do and thats why I am doing it. Its like giving myself an obstacle to overcome. I am really looking forward to doing the editing.

Stills 5 (extract from workbook)

04/11/07: I have literally just got back from the shoot and it was really quite hard to do, I kept scaring myself and seeing things that were not there. It was difficult to stop myself from feeling like I had made my worst fear a reality. The shoot went well and I am pleased with the images I have produced. I underexposed a few of the images in order to create the creepy feel, the mask was hideous and exactly the way I wanted it to be. I produced a series of action shots which when played in quick sucession make the wolf (model) look as though he is coming towards the camera. It was intimidating and alarming. I think the worst part of the shoot was shooting alone with only my model to keep me feeling detatched from my fears. I found it increasingly difficult throughout the shoot to keep my nerve as it started to get darker. The area reminded me of my attack and I kept getting floods of emotions, my mind stared playing tricks on me and I kept thinikng that I was seeing people who were not there. It is strange that your mind starts to play tricfks on you when under stress of through fear.

My model was awfully patient and understanding, it was a great support to have him there and for him to understand my feelings and thoughts as it is usually hard to explain things to people. I have found that the shoot has made me think about my dream a lot more. I am not as scared of it as I was because I had the chance to direct it myself, it was a great feeling to finish the shoot and then feel the relief that my model would take the mask off and I would just be a girl standing in an abandoned location with someone I know who wont hurt me. I finally got to overcome my monster by demasking him.

Stills 4 (extract from workbook)

Above: Test shoot of Underpasses- Light.

29/10/07: The shoot is scheduled for the 4th of November. I have decided to do my shoot within London, near waterloo, because there are a mass of under passes that are usually deserted. At night the light from the lamps create shadows and everything looks ominous and threatening. I will have to be carful when doing the shoot because I dont want the mask to scare other people. I am going to be taking shots of the location and then a second shot of the model in the mask, then on photoshop I will try to place one image over another. In a way I will be creating a multiple exposure with the use of photoshop. I completed a test shoot earlier during the week and found the loaction to be rather aesthetically pleasing. The light looks so severe in some places I cant wait to use this during the shoot. I initially only want 6 -10 final still images so this gives me a lot of room for experimentation and new ideas I may think of. Im quite nervous about shooting because I am worried I may scare myself or panic under the pressure of my subject. However I am fairly confident that I will not let this interfere with my result.

Stills 3 (extract from workbook)

Above: Test for location - 24/10/07
I am going to choose a location that is reminisent of where I was attacked, as this is going to recreate the set of my dream. I am going to have a male in dark colours wearing a horrific mask (preferably of a warewolf). Not all of the image will be of both the model and location together, some will be simply of the surroundings. I want the mood of the stills to be creepy, dark and sinister. Within my dream there I always have the fear of being followed or chased in deserted public places, like under passes, streets, constantly looking over my shoulder and seeing the wolf always gaining on me. In order to create the idea of being movement within the still I will have a sequence of action shots in order to portray the action in a jerky non-fluent motion. I intend the images to be in colour but I want the colour to be dull and gloomy. I think I may experiment with under exposing the images to sustain this effect. I also think the images will have to be shot as dusk begins to fall, again to enhance the creepy feel.

Stills 2 (extract from workbook)

As I changed my idea to the origional event my new proposal was to create a series of stills that depicted abstract images of broken dolls and toys, discarded and left destroyed. The film was going to be a sequence in which a small child destroys a doll, ripping the limbs off and tearing it to shreds. Then exposed over this sequence I wanted to do the same sequence but with an older woman, the reason for this was to show the loss of innocence from the brutal act. The act of destroying something is violent and this was going to symbolize the anger of rape.
I started to think about this idea a lot within the third week of term and realised that agin it wasn't what I really wanted to do, it didn’t really express anything I was feeling. It didn’t show the actuality of what I went through after being subjected to such a traumatic event, the worst of which were the constant nightmares, it even got so bad that I started to scare myself when I was awake. I turned my own memories into dreams and changed parts of reality into complete fantasy horror. The face of my rapist became that of a wolf, the sky was dark, and I was being constantly followed or watched. I couldnt get away from the fear. This is what I want to base my project around now.

Stills (extract from workbook)

My origional idea for this project was to actually do my project on recluisve behavior and now it has changed to a more personal experience I went through. The reason for this is because my reclusive behavior grew from the first event. It seemed like the best thing for me to do was to tackle the actual event instead of something that was created because of the origional. Even writing this it sounds complicated and hard to explain, but this is just the stage of development my mind is going through. I keep getting a rush of ideas and different routes I want to follow. However I have decided to differ away from my origional idea and instead go back to origional event from which I had developed yet more personal problems.
My origional idea was to create a series of stills in which I capture the emotive response a reclusive person would have to social situations. The want to hide away and ignore any kind of social interaction. I wwanted to o this in a staged documentary kind of way, as if you are looking into the life of another person, to see how hard and trying it can be. However as I have said before my drive changed to wanting to show why I became this way.

Project so far (extract from workbook)

So far the project is going well and I am relatively happy with how I am progressing. Everything I have completed so far has been suprisingly simple. Its just a matter of organising my time and making sure I stick to the deadlines I have created for myself in order to get things done in time and to the standard I am aiming for. However after writing my first blog I found it really hard to talk about/ write about my personal experience as I wasn't ready for all the wmotions flooding back to me. Its almost like re-living the experience whilst also thinking positively about the future and how far I have come since then. I think the hardest things to do emotionally within this project will be to create my still images and the film. Even after writing my proposal I am still not sure if what I intend to do is really what I want to do or if it will be what I end up doing. At the moment my ideas are everywhere and I cant stop thinking about this project and how I am going to commune my feelings. I think this project is really going to be a form of therapy.

Safe and Sound

Above: Peter James Fordham - The person who got me through the worst.

In 2004 I was subjected to what I can only describe as a brutal and viscious sexual assault. It was committed in such a violent and torturous way I was too ashamed and scared to tell anyone what had been done to me. What made it worse was the fact that it was done to me by someone I trusted and had known for almost ten peaceful years. The pain of everything I went through still haunts me today. I deifnately changed as a result of what I was put through, I became withdrawn -isolating myself from any social interaction, constantly scared and anxious, and I slowly began to loathe everything I was. I dont think anyone can fully understand what being raped can do to a person unless they experience it themselves. The violence involved within the act is horrific, but I think for me there was only so much pain my body could feel and so in the end I just started feeling numb. All I could think was "What have I done to make him hate me so much?" After the event I became a ghost of my former self, I wouldnt wear any coloured clothes, no make up or I wouldnt even try to present myself in any form of beauty because I didnt want anyone to notice me. I found that by isolating myself I was just becoming consumed in all my self destructive thoughts, almost like I was in a constant nightmare, fearing what might be round the corner to punish me next. It is now almost three years since the attack and I am a new person. I no longer feel this hatred for myself, because I realised their was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened and that I wasn't being punished for being me. It was just an unpredicatble and irreversible event. I know that I can get through this and still be me, I can still be who I want to be because it is my life, I am in control of what I do, no one else. I am not a victim!
In order to get through the last 2 years I attended councelling and hypnotherepy, but found that for me it didnt help to talk to a complete stranger, and I just didnt really let myself be drawn in by the whole "you are in a garden, walk to the bottom of the garden, you meet your spirit guide..what does she say to you" crap. Im just not the type of person that finds any of that helpful. For me the best form of therepy has been to use my emotions as a form of creativity, I have produced a few paintings based on rape, anger, fear and any emotion I was feeling at the time. As well as this I have had someone in my life who I could just sit in silence with and have them make me feel a million times better than I was. It was really just about knowing I had someone who loved me and cared for me, knowing that I was safe now, away from any more harm and knowing I could move on from this and still be who I wanted to be. After the attack I decided to stop trying, I lost confidence in myself, it was this person that pushed me to pursue my photography. I dont think I would be where I am today if he hadn't been there supporting me each day. Of corse I have bad days like everyone else, but I learn to get through them and live each day as a new start. There is always going to be someone to help.